During a loved one's stay in intensive care, it's not unusual to feel a little helpless in the face of the situation. The new world of intensive care, the uncertainty of the situation and the anxiety in which you may find yourself, are not easy circumstances in which to find your place and your role, especially in the midst of an expert team that is often very active and present in the early stages. In a society that values action and rapid problem-solving, it's not always easy. Yet there are many useful things you can do to support your loved one.
As a visiting relative, you may need time before you feel sufficiently at ease with the environment: don't force yourself, take your time, accept to settle in quietly. The aim of this page is to give you the keys you need to counterbalance the feeling of helplessness you sometimes feel when caring for a seriously ill patient in intensive care : you can pick and choose ideas from it, choosing those that speak to you most or that best correspond to what your ill relative might want, but feel free not to try everything, not to explore everything: you're the one who knows best what's good for you and for your relative!
Conversely, if you have any other ideas, don't hesitate to share them with us via this form, and we'll add them to this page!
One of the first simple things you can do for your hospitalized loved one is tobring a few personal belongings:
If he's conscious, don't hesitate to bring him something to keep him occupied in a relaxing way: even great intellectuals often find it hard to concentrate on their books in intensive care! Simple readings, music and even entertaining films and TV series can help them to escape.
Whatever his state of consciousness, it is always useful to bring him :
-Her favorite perfume,
-Personal toiletries (shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, razor, hairbrush, etc.),
-Keep your skin moisturized (cream, massage oil),
- It's also a good idea to bring along any glasses, hearing aids or dental prostheses,
-But also a blanket or stole (washable!) that he or she likes.
This enables the teams to personalize care, to promote a unique approach even if the patient is in a coma, and it also allows your loved one to regain some familiarity as soon as he or she regains consciousness. This will be invaluable.
On the other hand, please note that any personal belongings that are not useful for the patient's daily care will be returned to you or deposited in the hospital safe: jewelry, valuables.
Sometimes it's hard to know what to say at the bedside of a loved one who's in a coma, or who can't respond to you because of artificial respiration. You can give them news of friends, family and events related to their interests.
You can also share vacation memories, common experiences, good times spent with him or her, or plans for the intensive care period.
It doesn't matter if your emotions betray you, if you can't speak, remember to observe and try to find out if the patient understands you and find a channel of communication that works between you. This sometimes requires patience and perseverance, but it's always possible.
Talk about anything and everything, as ifwere chatting with you. Don't hesitate to tell him about your day-to-day life, or unimportant anecdotes: anything that can help him regain a foothold in reality or escape from intensive care is a good thing!
A book, a poem, a magazine, messages fromloved ones... Even if his condition doesn't allow him to integrate the details of your readings, a familiar voice is always useful in difficult times.
If you're a musician, you can play yourself, of course, but more simply, you can bring him something to listen to: a small radio, headphones, etc.
Témoignage de Marie-Clémentine
L’importance du divertissement et un exemple particulièrement efficace
Témoignage de CélineAccompagner un patient en réanimation
Techniques de visualisation :
Your sensitivity as a relative will be a great help to caregivers in detecting any pain or discomfort the patient may be feeling, but it is also very important not to focus your discussions on this: the patient is immersed all day long in the unpleasant world of intensive care, and your greatest asset will be to help him escape through his thoughts in conversations or daydreams that you can personalize according to his interests and wishes!
Communicating with the patient is essential, as it establishes a link with life and a bond of trust that is crucial in supporting the patient.When verbal communication is not possible, non-verbal communication or body language (which includes the 5 senses apart from speech and writing) is a process that enables information to be conveyed to the patient (and vice versa!).
It's very important to realize that your attitude and the way you look at others can speak volumes. The body spontaneously reflects emotions, and patients in intensive care, who are unable to communicate verbally, will develop their senses, and sometimes perceive your emotional state very finely.The voice is certainly the first link with the patient. The intonation of your voice, the intention of your gaze, the expressions on your face, your touch: all these help to establish a relationship and transmit emotions and messages, just like the simple act of smiling.
Even if your loved one is conscious, communication may still be difficult, especially if they are intubated, as they will not be able to speak. In this case, if his condition allows, he can write or spell out a word by pointing to letters or numbers, or to words you've written down beforehand. Don't hesitate to ask closed questions (where the answer is yes or no) to enable him to answer simply. Allowing the patient to communicate is essential.
You can also personalize your bedroom walls with the agreement of the nursing staff, bringing in photos and drawings can help maintain a link with the outside world and provide a little support.
Writing an ICU diary (see dedicated section) can be a great help to your loved one if he or she goes through a period of coma, sedation or confusion.
Testimony of MichèleThe vital importance of loved ones
You can help the caregivers to provide simple care for your loved one, such as a foot or hand massage, styling their hair, perfuming them, or even helping to shampoo their hair, depending on their condition. Whenever possible, don't forget to ask the patient if they agree, and if it's pleasant, they'll find a way to express their wishes. Unfortunately, this is not always possible for safety reasons, so you'll always need to ask the nursing team for permission.
You may also be asked to leave your loved one's room if painful care is required, to protect yourself from the anxiety this may cause.
Témoignage de KatiaLe plaisir et le toucher
Staying in intensive care is a strange time for patients, especially if they are going through one or more phases of coma or confusion. They may hallucinate, or imagine things: it's not uncommon for patients to experience delusions as a consequence of their illness or treatment. These will disappear as the patient's condition improves, but he or she may still have strange memories: don't hesitate to discuss this with him or her.
Allowing him to verbalize hallucinations or anxieties in a reassuring way can help him regain a little calm during his stay, and talking about it after discharge can also reassure him that what is known as " intensive care delirium" is a sometimes unpleasant but completely normal event!
Learn more about the patient’s experience
If your loved one has a religious faith or spirituality that is important to them, don't hesitate to tell the care teams about it: in difficult times, this can be an important resource. In intensive care services, it is often possible to bring in a religious representative. You can also bring objects related to your spirituality, which caregivers can place with you in suitable areas of the room.