The moment of a loved one's death is the strongest shock, often felt more physically than intellectually. People who are confronted with the death of a loved one speak of a state of anesthesia and shock, an intense emotional shock that leaves them unresponsive and sometimes speechless. If you feel guilt or remorse, share it with the medical teams, your doctor and/or a psychologist: this feeling, which is common, can be alleviated by asking for explanations about the circumstances of your loved one's death. Guilt can hinder and prolong the grieving process: it's important to try to limit it as much as possible.
They represent an emotionally powerful moment, which may seem difficult to bear because it ratifies the definitive separation, but they allow you to say goodbye and be surrounded by affection. Take time to think about what's important to you, and how you want your loved one's funeral to be handled, in accordance with your beliefs and wishes. Don't hesitate to ask for help, both in organizing the funeral and in coping with everyday life.
It's a very special time, a personal journey of imbalances that takes time and energy, as well as inner work that will take you from moments of suffering to moments of healing. These moments come and go in different ways for each of us. This work of taming absence is long and difficult. You have to give yourself time, be tolerant and patient with yourself and others. Mourning does not mean forgetting; it means admitting that life is now different, and living with the scar left by the loss of a loved one.
It's normal that there are times when you don't feel like talking about your loved one, and enjoy being in a place where no one knows what's happened to you. With time, you'll feel happy more often. Don't feel guilty - you have every right to be.
You may also encounter more difficulties than you thought in the course of your bereavement. Certain circumstances of death can be risk factors for "complicated bereavement" or "pathological bereavement", a bereavement that lasts over time and handicaps the person experiencing it in their ability to return to a normal life: ask your GP for help, who can prescribe medication to help you get through it, or refer you to specialists. And don't hesitate to consult a psychologist. It's normal to have difficulty coping with a difficult loss, and to need a professional ear that's more emotionally neutral than that of a loved one.
Helping children when a loved one dies :
Going further: Talking to children about death
Funeral
Funerals can be a very supportive family gathering, as well as a very heavy experience for young children. Organizing a time of recollection and remembrance as a family can offer an interesting alternative.
If the child wishes to attend the funeral, make sure he or she is well prepared for the event and the emotions that will be expressed. Ensure that the child has the support of a calm adult throughout the day.
Further information on accompanying children in the event of death